NO: A STRONG AND POWERFUL WORD

NO, was one of the first few words we learned.  We had absolutely no trouble saying it, as a young child.  We used that word all the time. It made us feel strong, powerful and independent. We would repeatedly chant “N.O. spells NO”! We would say it with such confidence and entitlement. There was never any explanation. If we needed to expand, we would simply repeat the word no again and again. There was something automatic and easy about saying it.

Throughout life, things shifted. We began to learn that the word no was bad. What was tolerated as a toddler, was no longer “cute” anymore. Our parents told us not to disobey them or talk back. We would get reprimanded for using the word or standing up for ourselves. You learned that it often disappointed people. You quickly discovered that people were much happier when you said yes. You are a kindhearted person. You do not want to hurt or disappoint anyone. So, your No, No No’s became a thing of the past.  The word no got replaced with an easier and more pleasing word.  It resulted in less conflict. You may have been unaware of this transformation. It may have been a slow and subtle evolution. Somehow, you became more focused on pleasing others, than your own best interests.  Your own happiness may have been disregarded or sacrificed in the process.

 

 

YOU CAN CHANGE THE RULES AND SAY NO

If you realize that certain people are taking advantage of your good nature, do not be afraid to change the rules. You can say no. You may have made commitments and promises, but if someone is taking you for granted, you have a choice to no longer allow this type of treatment or expectations.

 

 

TAKE YOUR TIME

There is no rush for an answer. If someone is pushing you, simply say “I will get back to you” and give yourself time to think about it. Do not feel pressured into committing to something that you may regret or not be able to follow through with later.

STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF

If something does not feeling right, say no. If it goes against your core beliefs and values, do not compromise who you are.

LOOK AFTER YOURSELF

You can have all the good intentions in the world, but you need to take care of yourself. You may feel drained, require sleep or need to take it easy. It may be difficult if you have already committed to something or have people counting on you. But if things have changed and you are no longer in a position to attend or help, you need to say no. Do not feel bad.  People who care about you will understand.  If they don’t, it is best that you figure this out sooner than later. You will be no good to you or anyone else, if you do not take care of yourself first.

You cannot please or save everyone. Of course you want to be able to do all the fun things that you are invited to. Or help all of the people that need your help. It can become overwhelming and extremely draining, especially if you are pleasing the wrong people. This can leave you with no time or energy for the ones that hold top priority in your life, and quite often put the fewest demands on you. There will be people that may not be happy when you start saying no. It can be difficult when you have been spending your life trying to avoid conflict. You are just one person and there is only so much of you that can go around. Make saying no, as simple as it once was when you were a child. It frees up more time for you to say yes to things that make you happiest and are most important.

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