Pleasing everyone is impossible. It is natural to want to make the ones you love happy. But what about those of you who take people pleasing to a whole other level? You spend every day giving and doing things for others. You may even feel like you need to give more, like it is never enough. You avoid conflict and confrontation at all costs. You say yes, when you really want to say no, and you put others needs ahead of your own. Does this sound like you? If it does, I commend you for all of your selfless acts. It is sad if people are not appreciating or noticing all of your kind efforts. You truly have a great heart.
You would think that this extreme people pleasing behaviour would make you feel wonderful. I mean, you surpass everyone around in thoughtfulness. A simple thank you would keep you satisfied and keep you going. You do not expect much in return, if anything at all. Yet often you feel taken advantage of, unappreciated, depleted and maybe even lonely. This holiday season of joy and giving is what “people pleasers“ are all about. You shine brightly, during this joyous time of giving, as your need to make others happy, is what you do best. You do this throughout the entire year, so you have it mastered. I can relate to all of you “people pleasers” and have a huge soft spot for you. The world needs more loving, caring and thoughtful people such as yourself, but it is also important to find balance. I feel compelled to protect and preserve your kind heart. You deserve to feel the same amount of joy as what you are trying to impress upon everyone you meet.
PEOPLE PLEASING CAN CAUSE RESENTMENT
If you are wanting to say no, but you continue to say yes, you will build up resentment towards that person or situation. A simple “no” will rectify that problem.
DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP
You may be afraid to speak up because you may not want to disappoint someone or cause conflict. Pleasing others may be easier than “rocking the boat”. Often times when you express what you want, you may be surprised to find out that others want the same thing, but may have been too afraid to say so.
TAKE YOUR TIME IN MAKING DECISIONS
If you try and please everyone, you may over commit. If you do not want to attend a gathering, do not be afraid to say no. If you often find yourself in situations where you want to help and please everyone, tell them that you will think about it and get back to them. This is one of the most important tools that I have learned. It allows you the time to think about what you really want to do.
If you are constantly searching for outer validation, you may become repeatedly disappointed. Your kind gestures and good deeds may not receive the warranted appreciation. If you are giving or trying to please and expecting others to validate you, then you will never feel good enough. Do what you feel is right in your heart and only if you are willing to do them without expectations.
There is a healthy balance when trying to please others. You can still be the giving and loving person that you are, but you also need to be giving and loving to yourself. Make sure that you allow yourself to receive and are not the one continually self-sacrificing. Be conscious and protective of your kind heart.