DO PEOPLE EVER REALLY CHANGE?

Do people ever really change? That is a difficult question to answer. I have spent decades trying to figure this out. My theory has been pretty much consistent and I do not figure it will change too much at this point of my life. I believe for the most part, the core being of a person does not change. If you are a kind-hearted, considerate person, then those core characteristics will tend to stick with you, no matter how many horrible things have happened to you. I have tried to change that about myself, and I never could. I felt that I was too nice and was always being taken advantage of. I would decide many times to try and not care as much, or not be so nice. I thought “Nice guys/girls finish last” so I may as well change. But I couldn’t…because that is not who I was. If you are the same type, then you have the best chance at evolving and growing. You care about others and you want to be the best person possible. You have healthy core values and qualities which will not change, but you are open to working on self-improvement. You may become stronger and make healthier decisions.

As much as it is difficult to change the core being of a person with endearing qualities, the same is true for those who have instilled negative traits. The people that lie, cheat, get easily angered or treat you poorly are less likely to change. They seem to be stuck in their selfish ways, and nothing matters beyond themselves. For most of my years, I would make excuses and justify people’s bad behavior. I would always try and stay positive. I would see some glimmer of hope or goodness in them, and that would be enough for me to believe in their possibility to change. Then I realized, I have been through many more horrible things than them, and I do not treat people poorly. I did not understand those qualities that came out in a person, because I myself did not possess them. I have learned many times, that if a person showed me those negative true colors, that it is in them and can come out at any time. That would scare me and I did not want to be in a position to be there when it did.

 

 

People Cannot Change Unless a Problem is Acknowledge

People do not have a chance at changing unless they are aware and acknowledge the problem. If you are expecting someone to change, who feels there is no problem, you will be wasting much valuable time.

People Do Not Change, Unless THEY Want to

They need to want to change. If someone changes for someone else, they almost always tend to go back to their old behavior. Not only that…they will tend to resent and blame the person that they change for. Some people are happy the way they are.

 

 

Something Drastic Has to Happen

A life altering event has the power to change people…for the good or for the bad. People tend to change when they hit “rock bottom”, after a death or a divorce etc. If something has caused a person a lot of pain or pushed them to their limit, there is a great possibility for change.

Facing Death

When someone is reaching the end of their life, they may spend a lot of time reflecting. They may have revelations or regret past behavior. I have recently experienced this. My entire life, a certain person has treated me poorly and now close to the end of his life, there is a complete turnaround. I never, ever thought I would see this transformation, but am extremely blessed to have been open to this possibility.

 

 

Everybody has the ability to change. It all comes down to if they want to or not. In the meantime, do not waste your time waiting around. Especially if someone has a negative impact on your life and is stressing you out. If people are treating you poorly, then look at their actions, instead of their words. Stop listening to their apologies, excuses and victim stories and look at their behavior…as it will not lie. If they are meant to change, they will…in their own time.

 

Comments

comments