Trina Hall Lifting You Up Higher and Higher
Not all of us are fortunate to have a fully loving and supportive family. Many of you have struggled with a parent, spouse, sibling, aunt, uncle or even a grandparent. As of late, people in my life have been having the same struggle. Then I thought, how many others are there? Have you been constantly criticized by a family member? Do you just never feel good enough? Isn’t your family supposed to be genetically programmed to automatically love you? You can be repeatedly disappointed if you continue to search for that external love, acceptance and approval, when that person doesn’t have it in themselves to give.
You grew up hearing that “blood is thicker than water”. This undoubtedly carries a lot of weight. But how long do you need to feel obligated to tolerate negative and corrosive behavior, on the sole fact that they are your family? What do you do when you are in this situation? This is tough. You need to think long and hard about it. How much you continue to allow or accept is completely up to you.
NEGLECT
When you have a family member that does not give you love and attention, you try harder. You crave any sort of love and attention. You develop low self-worth and settle for less than you deserve. You are happy with the slightest attention or act of kindness. You feel unworthy, unwanted and unlovable. You are worth more!
CRITICISM
When you are constantly criticized, especially from a parent, you never feel good enough. You develop low self-esteem and a distorted sense of reality.
ABUSE
Any type of abuse from a family member can be extremely difficult to overcome and may scar you for life.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS AND DEMANDS
They can be impossible to obtain and you will never be good enough and feel like a failure. You will feel that it is not alright to make a mistake and become a perfectionist.
FAMILY MEMBERS WITH ADDICTIONS
Each day is different when dealing with a family member with addiction. Your life can be like a roller coaster ride. You hope for change and hang onto the good moments. You feel no sense of peace or calmness. You become comfortable with drama and turmoil, as you know no other way.
UNHAPPY FAMILY MEMBERS
Unhappy people rarely want to see you happy. This leads to jealousy, discouragement, put downs and many other negative things. You may become a “People Pleaser” and have a never ending need to make everyone happy.
SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT
Some older family members have a sense of entitlement. They feel that they grew up a certain way, so why should it be any different or better for you? They transfer this attitude and beliefs on to the next generation. You have the power to break this cycle.
Do you have friends or even strangers treating you better than your own family? This has to make you think. Ideally in a perfect world, it would be amazing if you could count on your family for love and support. There are families out there like this. If you are less fortunate, at some point, you do need to decide on your boundaries. It is not worth having such a negative impact on your life. You have a choice to not allow this destructive treatment towards you.
I have had to walk away from a few family members in order to self protect. I chose to no longer have people treat me poorly. Family or no family, it is not right! I got tired of justifying their bad behavior and trying to make sense of it. Also, if it is not working, stop forcing it. Sometimes the best thing is to let it go, forgive and send love.
Hopefully, in the future there can be a reconnection in a better space. You may need to accept that they are not on the same level as you. They need to work on themselves, in their own time and do their own inner work. You need to decide what you are able to handle and what you are willing to tolerate.
Focus on people who build you up higher every day. Family, can be blood related, but it can also be friends and other kind people. They are the ones that make you feel good and are there for you. They are the people that unconditionally love you and the ones that matter most in your life. They are looking out for your well-being and have your best interest at heart. This is your family. Decide what family is to you and create your unconditionally loving and supportive family, whether they are blood related or not.
Dear Trina, I loved your beautiful message!. Thank you. This message gave me encouragement , very often we have somebody in the family who makes us feel bad and we need to understand that nobody has permission to treat you bad even your own family.
I appreciate your amazing feedback Beatriz. It is too bad that some people have someone in their family that makes them feel bad. Of course, no one is perfect and there can be some reasons to be more tolerant, such as the person is ill or it was not their true character and may have had an “off” day. But when they are repeatedly hurting you and it is damaging your self-esteem or you are continually feeling horrible after being with them…it is not right! Life is hard enough as it is, there is no need to have someone intentionally making it worse for you. Sometimes a family member may take you for granted and treat you poorly, knowing that you will always be there because you are family. I found that it is better to no longer tolerate this kind of behavior. When they realize you are serious and take a true stand, they will be on their best behavior around you. If not, they will begin to understand that you will not be around to tolerate it. You deserve to be surrounded by loving and supportive people. These are the people who will bring you joy each day. Love ya. xo
Thank you so much for this post! I was just writing about how family can shoot you down when you try to do something new and step outside the box and this post helps me to see things a lot clearer. Love from a soul sister, Kristina
It makes me happy to hear that this post helped you to see things more clearly. Great minds think alike haha! All the best with your writing Kristina. Sending you lots of love. xo
I am so pleased that you tackled the problem of “Blood vs Friendship”!! So often we do things for a relative, that you do not want to do!! LOVE is not conditional – it must be completely fulfilled by both parties!!
Look around your family members this week and compare them to your best friends!! You will quickly find out the TRUE ONES!!
TRINA, your advice can easily work for all of us. WHO TRULY are your real FRIENDS and embrace them????
Thank you for your amazing feedback Don! Embrace love. xo
What a beautifully written and insightful message sweet sister! I am proud and happy that you are a part of “my family.”. I love you and wish you a beautiful and happy day!
Your comment on my writing means the world to me. You are such an encouraging and loving person! I am grateful to have you in my “family” as well. I love you tons. xo